You're Explaining This to Nick
by Havah Kinny
Summary: J.O.N.A.S. based on some pictures from the pilot episode. Joe and Kevin find themselves in the hands of the enemy...and learn the true meaning of Intimacy of Crisis...will Nick's shock when he comes to their rescue cost them their lives? Jovin. kinda funn


"Ok, I'm so not going to be the one to explain this to Nick," Joe said, leaning against the bars of the cage that he was currently locked in. He looked at Kevin.

"Fine," Kevin said, sighing. "If we get the chance to explain this to Nick that is." Kevin tried to sit down on the stone floor.

"Kev, you can't sit if I'm standing," Joe said, shaking his left wrist, reminding Kevin that it was handcuffed to his right.

"Fuck," Kevin sighed. He opted for leaning up against the bars next to Joe instead. "You know…" he said thoughtfully after a couple of minutes. "If we could figure out how to get out of these cuffs I could probably fit through these bars and go get help…"

"Yeah, well unless you plan on chewing your own hand off like a coyote, I don't see that happening."

"This is so stupid!" Kevin said. "I mean we totally walked right into this, we really need to get better at this whole spy thing if we ever get out…"

"Yeah, Nick always was the stealthy one." Joe agreed.

"You know," Kevin said again after a few minutes, sort of changing the subject. "You look kind of hot behind bars."

"What the hell?" Joe said. "Where did that come from?"

"I dunno," Kevin shrugged. "I'm locked up, I'm handcuffed to you, I may not get out of here alive, and I'm horny as hell."

"God, the weirdest things make you horny," Joe said, laughing and shaking his head.

"Uh…are you trying to tell me that basic bondage doesn't turn you on?"

"Well…"Joe hesitated. "Bondage is good, but not when it's an actual life or death situation!"

"Oh, well hey, I guess I just can't control it, I see handcuffs and I get hard." Kevin shrugged.

"You are soooo in the wrong line of work," Joe said sighing. "And this conversation is going to get REALLY awkward soon."

"Well maybe not the conversation…" Kevin trailed off.

"What's that supposed to-" Joe was silenced as Kevin moved closer and blocked Joe's words with his lips. "Mean..." Joe whispered softly once Kevin pulled away. "I get it now." He nodded and grabbed Kevin's shoulders, pushing him against the side of the round cage and kissing him fervently on the lips. Kevin wrapped his hands around Joe's back, pulling Joe's left hand with him. "Ouch," Joe said. "That kind of hurts."

"Joe, you're a secret agent, you can handle a little pain." Kevin ignored Joe's comments and slid his hands under Joe's shirts, running his hands up and down Joe's smooth skin as Joe continued to kiss him. He ignored the fact that his arm was being pulled in unnatural directions, because Kevin's touch made him feel alive. With his free hand, Joe began to unbutton Kevin's vest, as it was too tight to get under while it was buttoned.

"Hey, can I have my hand back for a second? I can't unbutton this with one hand," Joe pointed out.

"Fine." Kevin agreed, letting Joe take control of their connected wrists while he gripped Joe's skin harder with his left hand. Joe unbuttoned Kevin's vest and then his shirt so that it was hanging open. Joe ran his right hand over the soft skin on Kevin's torso.

"God I am so much more fit then you," Joe said chuckling.

"Hey, you're not allowed to make fun of my body!" Kevin said.

"Whatever." Joe shrugged and grabbed Kevin by the shoulder parts of his vest, shoving him backwards into a different side of the cage.

"Jesus, you're rough," Kevin pointed out.

"Shut up and don't take the lord's sons name in vain." A wicked smile crossed Joe's face.

"Oh come on, you say it all the time."

"I know," Joe said. "I thought it would be kinky if I pulled a Nick." Kevin chuckled at Joe's words.

"Being locked in a cage, handcuffed together and making out is kinky enough for me."

"Well we're not actually making out right now," Joe pointed out. "We're talking."

"So how about we change that?" Kevin forced his lips against Joe's, pushing his tongue inside of his brother's mouth and feeling around with his tongue. Kevin flipped Joe around this time, slamming him into the side of the cage and making the bars vibrate slightly.

"Ok, that feels really weird," Joe said as the vibrations shot up his body. "In a really, really awesome way, now I understand the whole vibrator thing." He kicked Kevin's feet out from under him, and when Kevin fell to the ground he dragged Joe with him. Joe positioned himself on top of Kevin's torso, his legs straddling Kevin's waist. He began to grind against Kevin's body as he leaned forward and began to kiss Kevin's neck, sucking on the spot just below Kevin's jaw. Kevin let out a soft giggle and a moan of pleasure. Joe kissed down Kevin's neck and worked on the strip of skin that was left uncovered by Kevin's now unbuttoned shirt. Kevin's right hand rested at his side, while Joe's left was pressed to the ground right beside it. Joe's right hand was pressed palm down to the floor on the other side of Kevin, stabilizing him, and Kevin's left hand was running through Joe's hair.

"Do you think Nick will come for us?" Kevin asked, whispering while Joe kissed his chest.

"I dunno, if he's smart he'll stay away, but if he's half the brother I think he is he's outside already planning a way to get in." Joe smiled.

"Ok." Kevin took that as his answer and went back to enjoying Joe's lips on his skin. Kevin moved his body around, attempting to arouse Joe as much as possible as their bodies pressed together. Joe began to bite at Kevin's skin, nipping almost like a puppy at his ears and shoulders. Neither boy noticed as two people walked into the room. The man who had locked them up entered from a stairway on one side, and their brother entered the room at exactly the same time from the back. Both people were too stunned by what they saw to do anything. Nick stood, his jaw dropped as his brothers kissed and groped at each other, rolling around on the floor. Their captor however, got over his shock faster and moved in on Nick.

"Finally, the third brother, this is just my lucky day," he said. He spoke too soon. Nick turned around and kicked him in the stomach, preparing for a fight for his and his brother's lives. The man rebounded from the bow abruptly and lunged at Nick, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him into a stone column in the middle of the room. Nick responded to this by whacking his head into the man's, causing the man to lose his grip on Nick and stumble backwards. Nick threw a well aimed punch into the man's Solarplexis, winding him. Kevin and Joe were too wrapped up in each other to notice the fighting going on around him. The man regained his composure fairly quickly, and punched Nick in the nose, causing it to make a loud cracking sound and start bleeding.

"Ok, what the hell?" Nick said angrily, touching his hand to his face and feeling the blood trickling from his nose. He kicked the man in the groin, causing him to squeal in pain. Then Nick grabbed the man's wrists and threw him hard into the cage where Joe and Kevin were making out fiercely. The clatter from the man's body hitting the cage brought Kevin and Joe back down to earth. They attempted to jump apart, but forgetting they were still handcuffed together, they didn't get too far away. The man groaned and slumped to the ground. Nick rammed his foot in to the man's head, knocking him out.

"Nick, I – we…" Joe said as Nick bent down and began to search the now unconscious man's person for keys.

"You don't have to explain to me," Nick said. "It's erotica of danger, you're in a situation that's dangerous, and it takes away your sexual control, I've read about it."

"Ok," Kevin said, grateful that they wouldn't have to explain this to their brother.

"Here we go," Nick said, standing up and showing the keys he had found to his brothers. He tossed them to Joe, who began to unlock the handcuffs as Nick went through the pockets of the man who he had just knocked out, looking for ID or a walkie talkie or some sort. "Hurry up though, I don't know how many people are here," he whispered hurriedly.

"Ok, sheesh, I'm trying." Joe worked the key a little longer. The cuffs clicked open and the brothers pulled their wrists free. Kevin began to button his shirt back up, leaving the vest hanging open while Joe unlocked the cage.

"Did you find anything?" Kevin asked Nick.

"No." Nick shook his head. "Let's just get out of here, ok?"

"I can live with that." Joe tossed the keys back to Nick and the two boys who had been locked up exited the cage, both massaging the wrists that had been cuffed.

"You guys alright?" Nick asked, whispering as they began to walk. "

"Yeah, we're fine." Kevin smiled and winked at Joe.

"You know Nick," Joe said. "You did miss out on all the fun, we could always get back in that cage and give you a chance," he teased.

"For the love of god," Nick said, sighing exasperatedly and grabbing each of his brothers by their ears. "We're not out of danger yet, let's just focus on getting out of here, there's no saying what could have happened to you guys if I hadn't come along.

"Danger is my middle name," Joe said. "Or nick name I guess…and my oh my, you're such a good brother."

"You're hurting me," Kevin said, wincing slightly as Nick pulled him along by the ear.

"I'll let go when you and Joe promise me to be serious! I don't want to have saved you only to get caught," Nick stated. "And I think that bastard broke my nose."

"Sorry…" Kevin said sheepishly. "I'll behave, I promise…"

"There we go." Nick let go of Kevin's ear, and Kevin rubbed his pained ear slightly. "Joe?"

"Ugh, fine! If it'll make you let me go, I promise I'll behave." Joe sighed and Nick let go of his ear. "Thank you! God, you're strong."

"Yes, I am." Nick said. "Now shut up and let me think of a way out.

"We could just try the front door," Kevin suggested, looking ahead of them. "It's in the next room, so it wouldn't exactly be hard, as long as we're sneaky."

"You and Joe proved to me that you can't be sneaky," Nick pointed out.

"Well…you have a point," Kevin said. "But I promise we'll try really, really hard, I just want to get out of here! Please?" Kevin begged.

"My god you are so whiny!" Nick groaned.

"I'm sorry, but I was just locked in a cage," Kevin said. "I thought I was going to die, forgive me for wanting to get out of here."

"Yeah, you were locked in a cage where you decided it would be fun to what, rape your brother?"

"I DIDN'T RAPE HIM!" Kevin said loudly.

"Shut up!" Nick whispered, clapping a hand over Kevin's mouth. "You see, this is how I know you can't be all sneaky."

"Fine," Kevin sighed, lowering his voice again. "But I swear to god I wasn't raping him."

"No," Joe said, a grin on his face. "He sexually assaulted me."

"Oh shut up," Kevin said, slapping his brother playfully.

"Will you two please just get serious for three minutes?" Nick was clearly frustrated.

"Fine." Both boys said.

"Here, we'll go through this window," Nick said. "Help me move this over." He gestured at a pool table that was in the middle of the room. Kevin and Joe nodded, and helped Nick push it up against the window. Nick climbed up on the table and tried to open the window. "It's locked," he said.

"Here," Kevin climbed up on the table and motioned for Joe to do the same. The two older boys supported Nick's torso and he swung his legs up, kicking the window and breaking the glass.

"That was smooth," Joe said, a smile of approval on his face as they went through the window one by one. "We really do make a good team."

"Yeah, maybe when you two aren't getting us in trouble." Nick sighed. He and Joe helped Kevin through the window and the three of them ran off, away from the scene. Nick pulled out his phone and reported the location to their superiors.

**_A/N Alright, so this was based off of some pictures I found from the J.O.N.A.S pilot, and it was really just a goofy thing that I wanted to write! I hope you enjoyed it!_**


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